Although Damian from last week was most certainly not the one he did share 2 great dating stories that give me a run for my money! So I thought I’d share with you in this weeks post.
Date 1 – Bunny boiler behaviour
So to set the scene Damian has just got divorced, been with his childhood sweetheart for 20 years, has 2 kids and hasn’t been on a date since he was 19 so as you can imagine is in a complete dating mind field. He decides to join Tinder and enter this crazy world that he didn’t even know existed. Meets very conventionally in a pub for a drink, and at this point has no idea what he has let himself in for. Mia looks like her photo, is dressed well and turn ups so I would say at this stage on your very first app date this is very positive. Conversation is flowing and seems all is going well, until she reveals that she is wearing the new outfit that she told him about on text the night before. Damian’s reply is obviously along the lines of ‘ahhh that dress looks lovely on you’. She says ‘no it’s not the dress’, Damian is now confused so looks at her shoes and says, ‘ahh nice shoes’ but she’s not referring to her shoes either. Yes, within 20 minutes of meeting him, an app virgin at this point, she is talking about the new underwear she is wearing especially for him! He nearly spits his drink out at how forward she has been, when she follows this revelation with ‘I’m going to the disabled toilets, meet me in there so I can show you ……’ and struts towards the cubicle. Now completely dumbfounded, it’s fight or flight time ….. he chooses the latter, downs his pint and shoots out the door. Now at this point I thought this was the end of the dating story and although a good story I was confident I had better ones, but no this was just the beginning.
Damian now safely at home, and expecting maybe an angry text from Mia got a lot more than that. A series of photos pinged up on his phone. Mia still in the same pub, had picked up a new guy and sent through selfies of them kissing, telling Damian what he had missed out on. So some definite bunny boiler behaviour here and I would say a lucky escape, but I guess she has just been ditched half way through a date so maybe had a bit of a point. But what happened next took it to new levels. A few hours go by and Damian is cosy watching Netflix without the chill part, when his phone start buzzing again. This time a sequence of videos are sent through. Mia now looks like she too is home, and still seems determined that Damian will see this new underwear she’d bought especially for this guy she had never even met before. No word of a lie, she does a live strip tease for him across 5 videos, leaving nothing to the imagination! I mean she is doing nothing for us girls and our reputation on the dating scene! And the fact that Damian brave another first date at all let alone one from tinder after that is a miracle!
Date 2 – Cat fished
Now just to put it out there, school boy error here on Damian’s part, having a first date in your local pub where you know a lot of the bar staff is never a good idea and you are asking for trouble! He goes back to tinder and matches with Lydia, 32, blonde, tall and slim and works in marketing. Lives nearby so suggests meeting at his local. He gets there a little early, eyeballs the pub, no sign of Lydia so messages to say he’s here. She replies immediately say she’s here too …. he scours around again and no sign thinking she must have gone to the wrong place. She texts saying I’m the girl in the red dress that you keep walking passed. Turns out the tall, slim girl from the photos is now a size 20 rammed into a short size 16 red dress!! Catfished would be an understatement at this point! Too late to escape now he wanders over to start the date.
She obviously orders the most expensive cocktail on the menu so off Damian goes to the bar where awaits the bar man who is ready to jibe him about his new date. Now I would say if you know you have catfished your date the last thing you would do is to bring up profile pictures as a topic of conversation. But no, Lydia boldly gushes to Damian, ‘wow you look just like your photos’ which he awkwardly tried to change the subject.
This is where is all took a turn for the worst. She wasn’t letting this topic go and launched into the reason why she had put so much weight on and that she used to be a size 10 but she’d been going through a difficult time but if he could just bear with her she’s started a diet and has a 60 day plan. Just to remind you all this is 20 minutes into a first date. But what Damian said next definitely crossed the line …. ‘well come back to me in 60 days when you have lost the weight’ was his reply!!! I mean that is below the belt. And with that the £15 cocktail was thrown straight in his face, glass slammed on the table and off she struts out of the bar leaving Damian to deal with the staring eyes of his local bar. Good on Lydia is what I say, but also catfishing is not cool.
Come back next week for a close encounter with an almost romcom moment ….